Beyond Models, Markers and Powerful Questions: What Coaching Mastery Really Requires

After more than two decades in coaching, thousands of hours in the coaching chair, and many more spent mentoring, assessing and educating coaches, I have become increasingly convinced of something that may sound slightly provocative:

We can teach people the mechanics of coaching relatively quickly. Developing a coach is something else entirely.

I've seen new coaches hold on tight to the GROW model, like it's a lifeline, and they're afraid that if they let go, the whole conversation will fall apart. And then there are the experienced coaches who just keep firing off one "powerful question" after another, like they're trying to hit some kind of target. I've even listened to recordings of coaches going for their credentials, and you can almost hear them thinking to themselves, "okay, got that competency checked off, got that marker covered". Now, from a technical standpoint, some of this coaching is really good. But sometimes, in all the focus on the model and the competencies, the person, the human being, gets lost in the process.

As I continue doing this work, I find myself caring less about what a coach looks like and more about whether their coaching helps people think differently, see things from a new perspective, and gain a deeper understanding of themselves. It's not about the coach's appearance, but about the impact they have on others. Can they create an environment where people feel comfortable exploring their thoughts and feelings? Can they help people develop new insights and perspectives? That's what really matters to me now.

Here are some of the lessons the frontlines of coaching have taught me:

1. Stop coaching the problem

Today I was working with a top executive who wanted to focus on sorting out urgent tasks from important ones. We could have easily spent the whole session talking about ways to prioritize, like using the Eisenhower Matrix, managing time, delegating tasks, and making a plan. But instead, I asked him what he found toughest about prioritizing. That question took us down a completely different path. Our conversation went deeper than just the surface problem and touched on his struggles with perfectionism and needing to be in control. As he explored these patterns and what was driving them, something inside him changed. Eventually, he came to a realisation on his own: he needed to prioritize big-picture thinking and use that as a filter to decide what really deserved his attention in the "urgent" category. We still ended up tackling the practical issue, but we got there from a much more meaningful place. For me, that's what developmental coaching is all about. The client comes with a problem, but we stay curious about the person behind it.

2. Models are training wheels, not coaching

I get why we use models when teaching coaching skills - they provide a framework for new coaches to work with. This structure is helpful as they develop their abilities to really listen, work with clients, and respond in the moment. The issue arises when we don't eventually let go of these training wheels. If you're focusing on recalling the next step in a model, like GROW, you're not fully focused on the client. As coaches gain more experience, the model should become less prominent, allowing them to fully engage with their clients. Eventually, coaching is not so much about figuring out what question to ask next, but rather about understanding what's really going on. It's a different way of listening, you know, it's more about paying attention to the whole situation, not just the next question you need to ask.

3. Please stop trying to ask “powerful questions”

I think we've gotten a bit too caught up in the idea of asking powerful questions in our line of work. But let's be real, a question is only as good as the impact it has on the person we're working with right now. Sometimes, the most effective thing we can do isn't even ask a question. Just noticing something and pointing it out can be really powerful. For example, saying something like "I saw you smile when you said that" or "You've used the word 'should' a few times" can be really insightful. And then, just stop. Don't try to interpret what it means or show off how clever you are. Let the person figure out what it means to them. After listening to tons of coaching sessions as a mentor, I have to say, I'd rather work with someone who can really pay attention and notice important things than someone who just knows how to ask fancy questions.

4. Stay longer than feels comfortable

One of the patterns I hear in developing coaches is speed.

Insight. Next question.

Emotion. Next question.

Silence. Rescue the client with another question.

Experienced coaching has taught me to stay.

Stay with the emotion.

Stay with the contradiction.

Stay with the silence.

When a client says something that doesn't quite make sense to either of you, try to stay with it for a moment. The first response is often just the beginning, a doorway to something deeper. As a developmental coach, it's your job to be curious about what's underlying their words, not to try to diagnose them, but to explore how they're making sense of things. And sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is to resist the urge to ask another question, and just sit with the uncertainty for a while. This can be a powerful way to help the client uncover new insights and meanings, and to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their situation. By not jumping in with another question, you're giving them space to reflect and explore their own thoughts and feelings, and to make connections that might not have been immediately apparent. It's a subtle but important distinction, and one that can make a big difference in the coaching process.

5. Our need to be useful is often the problem

Most of us became coaches because we like helping people. Unfortunately, our desire to help can also interfere with our coaching. We see the connection. We know the framework. We think we know where the conversation should go. So we subtly lead the client there. When mentoring and assessing coaches, one question I continually hold is: Whose thinking is driving this conversation? At higher levels of coaching, I may see a pattern before my client does. The discipline is being willing not to need them to see what I see. I can notice it. I can offer it lightly. But I cannot become attached to what they do with it. That requires far more skill than simply asking another question.

6. Stop coaching for the credential

I have spent many years assessing coaching and mentoring coaches towards ACC, PCC and MCC. Credentials matter. Competencies and markers matter. But they should describe good coaching, not become the reason we coach in a particular way. When a coach becomes preoccupied with demonstrating the markers, something changes. The session becomes a performance. The irony is that the harder someone tries to demonstrate coaching, the less natural, responsive and client-led the coaching can become. I encourage coaches preparing for assessment to stop asking:

“How do I demonstrate this marker?” and start asking: “What would genuinely serve this client right now?” Understand the competencies deeply enough that you no longer need to perform them.

7. Eventually, you become the work

So, we've all been there, trying to figure things out, and we think, okay, if we just had the right model or the right list of questions, that would solve everything. But the truth is, at some point, we have to look inward, and that's where things get really tough. We have to deal with our own discomfort with silence, our need to be liked, our desire to fix everything, our impatience, our assumptions, our favourite theories that we just can't seem to let go of, our reluctance to challenge ourselves and others, and our attachment to being right all the time. All of these things can sneak into our coaching conversations and really throw us off. That's why I think mentor coaching, supervision, and reflective practice are so important, even for experienced coaches who have all the credentials in the world. The question then becomes, what do I need to work on within myself, rather than just what should I do differently? It's a much harder question to answer, but it's one that can really help us grow and become better coaches.

and more often: "What kind of person am I that is affecting the situation?" This is a really tough question to answer.

8. Mastery should make us more curious, not more certain

After spending years in this field, I've learned a thing or two about coaching - I've become an MCC, evaluated coaches, taught them, and spent countless hours with clients. But here's the thing: the more I know, the less I'm sure about. And you know what? I think that's a good thing. What I've found is that the moment you think you've got it all figured out, that's when you need to start asking questions again. It's like, just when you think you know what's going on with a client, that's when you need to get curious all over again.

So my advice to coaches, whether you have 100 hours or 10,000, is this:

Learn the models. Understand the competencies. Develop your questioning. Pursue your credentials. Then go beyond them. Stop trying so hard to sound like a coach.

Pay attention to what's really being said, not just the words. See how the atmosphere in the room shifts. Focus on the person speaking, rather than getting caught up in the issue at hand. Be patient and willing to go with the flow, even when the conversation takes an unexpected turn. And don't forget to keep working on your own personal growth, it will help you stay present and engaged in the conversation.

Because I no longer believe coaching mastery is primarily about accumulating more techniques. It is about noticing more, assuming less, staying curious longer, becoming less attached to our own cleverness, and having the courage to go beneath the presenting problem when that is where the client’s real learning is waiting.

Even after all these years, this is still the work that really fascinates me, and I hope that never changes.